Saved by the Bell: The Very Later Years (Screech’s Song)

When he was super young, back when his teeth fell out of his head with no schedule, and he got his first boner watching Small Wonder, he wanted to be a Firefighting-Astronaut-Super-Scientist who came up with a cure for cancer (so his Mawmaw could come back), battled towering infernos and went to outer space to have sex with a robot girl. 

When he was a little later, he focused on science, because it was the roux of his whole juxtaposition. With science, he realized, he could cure cancer and break the restraints of the stratosphere, and, well, fuck robots. 

When he was a little older than that, he was in college and he had to pick a major and he ended up studying education because he decided that fostering the ideas of children who were like him—the way he used to be, anyway—was a little more rewarding than robot fucking or space travel. 

And that’s how he ended up back at Bayside, all these years later. As a respected science teacher. (With the casual, quiet accolades of both faculty and students alike, it should be noted.) 

And now, he was standing in front of the sensible chest-top mirror that he’d purchased using a coupon from an online ad that IKEA held two years past. He loosened his tie—it was one of Maggie’s favorites, one that she’d purchased for him—and began undressing. 

From behind him, she spoke in her smooth, totally human tone. 

“Samuel. You are looking well this evening and I am interested in our love-making.” 

He arched an eyebrow and turned his head slightly, throwing a glance over his bony shoulder. 

“Yeah? You want this?” He tugged seductively at his penis and turned a corner of his mouth up, smile-like, in a manner that Zack had taught him so long ago. 

“Samuel: please transmit your seed into my throbbing receptacle.” 

He didn’t need to be told twice. 

He climbed between the comfortable, affordable sheets that he’d purchased from Bed, Bath and Beyond using a “10% Off Everything!” mailing six months ago. 

He rubbed his boner against Maggie’s cold, soulless steel and smiled. 

This was love. 

This was everything he’d ever hoped for.